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  Contents

  Part One: Pleasure and Pain

  Part Two: The Promise

  Part Three: The Hive

  Part Four: Games

  Part Five: Storm

  Part Six: No In-Between

  Epilogue: Back in San Francisco

  Part One

  Pleasure and Pain

  With a swipe of my hand, I complete the final touches of the dragon on Sara’s shoulder in equal parts red, blue, yellow, and green. The painting is finally finished.

  “Done,” I murmur, glancing up at her, where she sits naked on a wood and leather bench. She’s the woman I love, whom I asked to marry me only hours before. I would have sworn I would never love like this, never risk loss, but I can no longer imagine life without Sara. I don’t even want to try.

  “Already?” she asks, brushing her long dark hair over her shoulders, her naked breasts and creamy white skin a nearly irresistible temptation. “Really?”

  My lips curve. “I’m fast when I’m inspired.” And Sara definitely inspires me.

  She blushes, a contradiction to the woman who has let me spank her and do all kinds of naughty things to her. She’s adorable, sexy, and hot. Really fucking hot.

  Standing up, she slips on the pale pink silk robe she’d taken from her luggage earlier, when we’d explored the castle that was once my parents’ Parisian country home. Now it will be one of our homes. It is ours. Everything I have is hers.

  Casting me a tentative look, she asks, “Can I see?”

  “Of course,” I say, rolling my chair over the concrete floor of my dungeon-level studio to give her space.

  Almost shyly, she walks toward me, and I track the sexy sway of her hips until she stands before me and bites her bottom lip, her eyes shining with anticipation. She moves in front of me, the silk robe hugging her delicious backside.

  I plaster my hands on my jean-clad legs. Otherwise I’d grab her and fuck her right now, before we even talk about the painting. And I like talking to Sara.

  Her attention fixes on the painting of her naked body with a tattoo to match mine. With a dramatic gasp that is so completely Sara, she casts me an amazed look over her shoulder. “It’s your dragon.” She immediately glances back at the painting and lingers there a few seconds before she turns to give me a quizzical look.

  I wrap my arms around her tiny waist and pull her to me, burying my nose in the sweet scent of her hair. “What is it, baby?”

  She presses her hands to my shoulders, shifting slightly, and all those soft curves of hers are rubbing against me, stirring parts of my body to life that don’t lend to conversation. “Amber suggested she could ink me to match you.”

  “I told you I like you without ink.”

  “You say that, but you just inked me.”

  “The painting isn’t about you getting covered in tats.” I lower my voice. “It’s about you being covered in me.”

  Her lips curve slowly into a full-out smile. “I like being covered in you.” She traces the dragon on my bare arm. “And I like your ink.” Her smile fades abruptly. “Amber’s talented. It’s sad she’s so confused in life.”

  An unavoidable, familiar burn begins in my chest at the mention of my ex, who I know is remembering the loss of her family this week and expressing it in all the wrong ways. “Yes,” I say. “Yes it is, and yes, she is very talented. You should have seen the dragon she inked over.”

  Her brow furrows. “Inked over? What are you talking about?”

  “When I was thirteen I had a small dragon tattoo. When I met Amber in college, she was appalled at its simplicity and insisted she turn it into the sleeve. It felt appropriate—I was changing, and it needed to change.”

  She stares at me a moment and then cuts her gaze back to the dragon covering my arm and shoulder, as if it holds some key to the secrets I haven’t revealed. I slide a finger under her chin. “What are you thinking?”

  “Thirteen . . . that was the year your dad moved you to Paris, to be closer to where—”

  “My mother died, and to her memories. Yes. It was. And it was a hard year. The dragon became my sign of strength.”

  “And money and power,” she says, reminding me of what I’d once told her.

  “Yes. The money and power have always been about security to me.”

  “Security’s everything to me, but I don’t see it as money or power.”

  “Because your father used money and power as a weapon against you—which I will never do.” I lean in and kiss her. “You know that what’s mine is yours. I want you to share all of my world with me, Sara.”

  She studies me, trailing her fingers down my jaw. “It means more to me than you know, that you want to share your life with me. I’m sorry that will never include your mother.”

  Covering her hand with mine, I stroke her palm with my thumb. “You think coming here is about my mother’s death, don’t you?”

  “Isn’t it?”

  “No. It’s about seclusion. No whip. No outside influences.”

  “To deal with the loss of your mother.”

  “I didn’t take to the whip until the murder of Amber’s family. It was just an ironic twist of fate that it’s the same week as my mother’s death that somehow made the two erupt into guilt.”

  “But her family’s death wasn’t your fault any more than your mother’s dying in a car accident was, Chris. You were mugged and you tried to save them. And the boy you shot—”

  “Was a killer. I know, and I’d pull the trigger again if I had to do it over. But that doesn’t keep the images of his body, or those of Amber’s family, from haunting me, nor does it stop my guilt over leading Amber to the whip.” I hesitate. “And thinking about her seeking the whip for relief makes me want the whip. And yes, I know that’s fucked up. You know I am.”

  “Don’t say that. You’re not.”

  “Like I told you. I understand Mark for a reason. Life taught us both that control is survival. When I don’t have it, it’s an issue for me. The difference between him and me, though, is that I know I have that issue. He does too, but doesn’t accept it. Or he didn’t. I’m not sure how he’s handling losing Rebecca.”

  Her fingers flex into my bare arms. “I’m not sure how any of us are.”

  “Together. We’ll handle it together.”

  She nods. “I know. Let’s not talk about what’s waiting for us back in the States. Right now, I wish we could just stay here and never leave.”

  “We’ll be back in a few weeks,” I promise, and for no identifiable reason, that burning sensation in my chest starts again. Determined not to let this be the start of my annual meltdown, which I knew Sara would either witness or prevent this weekend, I motion to a huge door. “I want to show you something.”

  Pulling it open, I walk into the dark, twenty-foot-square empty room and hit the switch, turning on the dozen or so teardrop lights hanging from a high ceiling. Stepping back out, I motion Sara inside and, with curiosity brimming from beneath her long dark lashes, she enters. Leaving the door open, I follow her in. I’m greeted with one of Sara’s gorgeous, charming smiles while she holds her hands out to her sides to indicate the cushioned walls, covered with red silk.

  “My mother used it like a giant bulletin board to pin all the ad campaigns for her cosmetics company in here.”

  “So why don’t you have your drawings from
your sketchpads pinned up?”

  My hands go to her waist and I walk her back against one of the walls, trapping her legs with mine. “Hmmm,” I murmur. “I think I’ll use it for all the sketches I do of you.”

  “I’ve only seen two sketches and two paintings. Today’s and—”

  “The bondage painting,” I supply.

  “Yes.”

  She sounds breathless. I like her breathless.

  I untie her robe, brushing my fingers over her slender rib cage, traveling to the curves of her breasts. “The one about trust.”

  “I trust you, Chris.”

  Trust. It’s something I value. It’s something I intend to deserve with this woman every day of the rest of our lives. I caress the robe off her shoulders, feeling the goose bumps that rise in its wake, liking how I’m never on edge alone with Sara. As I toss the garment aside, my gaze lowers sliding hotly over her full, high breasts, then lifts. “Do you trust me, Sara?”

  “I did say I’d marry you.”

  The idea of Sara being my wife stirs a mix of heat and possessiveness that I never thought I would feel for anyone. “Yes. And being your husband gives me certain . . . privileges.”

  “Privileges?”

  My cock thickens with the raspy quality of her voice. “I told you once that if you stayed with me, I’d own your body. Every last inch of it. Marriage seals that deal.”

  “You already own my body, Chris. Sometimes too well.”

  “Not yet. But I will, baby. You can count on it.” I back away from her and go to the far wall, grabbing the red leather stool resting against the wall and bringing it to the center of the room.

  Her teeth scrape her bottom lip and I can think of all kinds of places I want those lips, and mine, as well. “What’s that?”

  “A surprise,” I promise, unbuttoning my jeans and shoving them down my legs. Her gaze rakes over my body, all signs of shyness gone, her eyes lingering where my shaft juts forward, and I am instantly thicker, harder, ready for her the way I know she is for me. But it’s still not time.

  I squat in front of the stool and remove two long, flat, rectangular boxes. “I brought us some toys.”

  She swallows hard. “Toys?”

  I open the larger of the boxes and pull out a pink, fluffy paddle we’ve joked about on numerous occasions.

  She laughs nervously. “You didn’t.”

  “I told you I ordered it.” I pat the stool. “The perfect companion toy.”

  “So you want to . . . ”

  “Bend you over it and spank you,” I supply. “Yes. Do you want me to?”

  “I . . . I don’t know. I mean, yes, I do but . . . ”

  “You’re not ready.”

  Her eyes go wide. “No. I mean yes. I am.”

  “No,” I say firmly, sensing she isn’t in the right place today. And respecting that is part of keeping her trust. “You’re not. You will be, but not now.”

  “But if you—”

  “I have other plans.” I open the second box and flip it around to display the butterfly nipple clamps inside.

  “I should have known that was next,” she observes. While there’s still a nervous quality to her voice, the tension in her body eases, telling me we’re in her comfort zone even before she asks, “Will they hurt?”

  “An erotic ache,” I explain, removing two pink sashes from inside a box. Then I walk to stand in front of Sara. “Put your hands over your head.”

  She does as I say without hesitation, and the fact that she trusts me that much in the midst of the unknown gives me a high I believe she shares with me. I need this control. She needs a safe place to give it away. It works for us, and I will always be safe for her in a way the whip never was for me—a way I never wanted it to be. I will never hurt her as I wanted it to hurt me.

  I tie each of her wrists, then hook the sashes to small hooks near the top of the wall I’d installed earlier this morning while she was asleep, then I press my hands to the silk by her head. She stares back at me, her lashes half veiled, her eyes laden with arousal.

  “You’re beautiful, Sara, and you’re mine.”

  “You’re beautiful, Chris, and you’re mine.”

  I laugh, tenderness seeping into the arousal pulsing through me; no one ever made me laugh in a moment like this. But then, I’m not sure there ever was a moment like this, before Sara. “Yes, baby—I’m yours.” I run my hands down her sides, her hips, and back up again, then gently let my thumbs brush her nipples. She whimpers, that soft sexy sound I’ve come to crave, and I step closer, sliding my shaft between her thighs, teasing us both, and then tugging lightly on the stiff peaks of her nipples.

  Cupping her breasts, I bend my head and begin sucking and licking, warming her nipples until I think she’s ready for what comes next. I move to the bench and remove the butterflies from the case, then return to Sara.

  “I’m nervous,” she confesses, a slight shake to her voice.

  I like that she can be that open and honest with me. I like where that leads us, what that makes us. “Because it’s new, but all you have to do is say ‘stop’ and we’ll stop. You know that.”

  “Yes,” she whispers. “I do know.”

  “These are gentle clamps, without weights.” I reach down and start stroking one of her nipples, taking her mind off the unknown, readying her for the pressure she’ll soon feel. “They’re good for beginners.” I lean in and kiss her.

  “Chris,” she whispers. “You . . . you make me feel . . . I don’t even have words.”

  “Ditto, baby, from the first day I met you. You ready?”

  “Yes.”

  “There’s a clamp for both nipples and your clit, so when we fuck, it tugs on all the right places. I’ll put the ones on your nipples first. They’re going to bite and then throb, but the ache will ease quickly. Okay?”

  “Yes. Okay.”

  “Good.” I stroke her hair from her face, pulling her mouth to mine, kissing her deeply, passionately, drinking in the taste of her nervous excitement, her passion, then letting my lips caress down her neck, over her shoulder blade, until I suck her nipple again.

  Lifting the clamp, I run the metal over her sensitive skin, glancing up at her as she sucks in a breath and waits. I close the butterfly down on her and, panting, she drops her head forward. “Oh, God. Chris, it—”

  I lean down and lick around the metal, and at the same time, I press my fingers down her flat belly and into the slick, wet heat of her sex. She whimpers, and the sound is pure pleasure, no pain, as she whispers, “It’s . . . hmmmm . . .”

  “Good?”

  “I . . . yes.”

  I lick the other nipple, and then warn her with the feel of metal on the stiff peak before I clamp the second butterfly into place. Her reaction is the same as before, with her head falling forward, followed by panting. And damn, I like the way she pants.

  Careful to ensure those pants stay about pleasure, I again lave the nipple with my tongue, easing her away from the ache. Lowering myself to my knees, I let the chain connected to the clamps drop down her belly. I tug gently on the end, applying pressure to her now sensitized nipples, and she moans in response.

  I stroke her swollen nub back and forth. “This one won’t be as intense as the other two.” I don’t give her time to think about it. I clamp down on her clit with the metal, then, sliding two fingers inside her, smile with satisfaction when she starts to spasm around me almost instantly. Her hips arch, and using my fingers and tongue, I stroke her to completion, fast and hard, and then ease her down soft and slow, until she’s done. She turns her head to hide her face.

  I stand up and cup her face, forcing her gaze to mine. “It’s sexy as hell,” I promise her, kissing her, letting her taste herself on my lips, my tongue. “And that was only the beginning.” I cup her gorgeous backside and lift her hips, pressing my shaft into the warmth of all that slick heat of her orgasm, knowing the motion will tug on the clamps.

  She sucks in air and jerks a
gainst the wrist ties as I thrust into her, then she moans and confesses raspily, “If I didn’t get the whole pain is pleasure thing before, I do now.”

  The words punch me in the chest, shifting my mood, darkening the place I’m taking her, and us. I tangle my fingers into her hair and drag her mouth to mine. “There are two kinds of pain, Sara. Pain meant to create pleasure, and pain meant to be just pain. You will never know that kind with me. Never.” I drive into her harder, faster, with a need that wasn’t there seconds ago. A need for escape, though I’m not sure from what. Just . . . escape.

  Part Two

  The Promise

  It’s been a few days since Sara and I returned to Paris; just hours before we leave for San Francisco. With Sara’s naked body pressed close to mine, her head resting on my chest, I lie and stare at the ceiling, as I have every night since proposing to her.

  On the surface, everything is fine. We have a farewell breakfast planned with Rey and Chantal to talk to them about attending the wedding. We’ve resolved Sara’s passport situation, and I’ve booked a private flight to prevent any more of the problems that have haunted us for the past two weeks. We need some smooth sailing, heading into the storm of Ava’s trial and questions about Rebecca. Everything is fine—except it’s not.

  I can’t escape the fear that I proposed out of my selfish need to have Sara in my life, whether that’s good for her or not. But I remind myself that I recovered from the Dylan meltdown quickly; I will never again be what I was during those dark years following the shooting. My demons are under control, locked away in a deep, dark cavern in my soul where they won’t be destructive.

  It’s the only way I can protect Sara, who has demons of her own. It’s the only way I can make this, and us, work. I need her in my life, and I know she needs me, too. I will not destroy Sara as I did Amber.

  The sound of my cell phone pierces the peaceful room and Sara shifts against my side, her fingers flexing on my chest. “What time is it?”